Monthly Archives: September 2014

Not New – But Worth Seeing Again

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Thanks to whoever posted this first.
If you tell me your website I’ll give you credit.

Bless the Aussies and their sense of humour.

Aussie girl characature

 

 

 

 

 

 

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These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not …
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery in to Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is …
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

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In Business? – Then Use Your Lists

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list 2

 

Not just your customer list … but all your other lists.

“What lists?” you might ask? “I don’t have any other lists”

Don’t you? Think about it!

First of all, what do you do with your customer list?

Do you send them a newsletter? How often? What do you say?

Are you trying to sell them more of what they’ve already bought?

Or are you helping them in some other way?

And what about your other lists?

Oh yes, your other lists!

Have you got a list of them somewhere?

“I DON’T HAVE ANY LISTS!” you shout!

Think about it. 

Here’s a few for starters ….

Your family
Your friends
Your neighbours
Friends of friends
Your prospects
Your enquirers
Your suppliers
Your advertisers
Your competitors
Your networks
Your groups
Your organisations
Your clubs
Your local shops
Your local businesses
Your local publications
Your trade publications
Your local telephone directory
Your local schools & university
Your Chamber of Commerce
Your local Government
Your Facebook friends
Your Twitter followers
Your LinkedIn contacts
Other people’s lists
The list here in traveljunkies
The junk mail you get
The business cards you’ve collected
And what about the reps that call on you, they’re a great list.
And how could you forget the Internet?

So you do have some lists don’t you?

(If not – go and get some)

Cliff
traveljunkies

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Places You Would Never Visit

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These days all of us are looking for the places with beautiful landscapes and perhaps with a hint of danger, but here are 4 places you don’t wish to visit!


Ramree Island, Burma  (Myanmar)

ramree-island

The Battle of Ramree Island was fought for six weeks during January and February 1945, as part of an offensive on the Southern Front of the Burma Campaign..

The battle is also associated with reports of many Japanese soldiers being eaten by the thousands of saltwater crocodiles lying in wait in the swamps of Ramree Island.

The Guiness Book of Records has listed it both as “Worst crocodile disaster in the world” and “Most Number of Fatalities in a Crocodile Attack”

Snake Island,  Sao Paulo, Brazil

snake-island-1

There are many Snake Islands around the world with several in the USA, Canada and Australia but one of the most dangerous is Ilha da Queimada Grande off the coast of Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Golden Lancehead viper

 

Snake Island in Brazil is home to an endemic species of the Golden Lancehead Viper, one of the most venomous snakes in the world.

 

 

A Discovery Channel documentary reported as many as one snake per square meter, and they are considered so dangerous the Brazilian Navy bans civilians from the island.

In a Smithsonian article, it is claimed that “ThisTerrifying Brazilian Island Has the Highest Concentration of Venomous Snakes Anywhere in the World”
Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/snake-infested-island-deadliest-place-brazil-180951782/#PUFBVebAJFTjmyqm.99

 The Door To Hell – Turkmenistan

door-to-hell7[2]

The Door to Hell is a natural gas field in Derwezeb in the Karakum Desert, Turkmenistan, which has been burning continuously since it was lit by Soviet petroleum engineers in 1971.

It was expected to burn itself out after a few weeks but more than 40 years later, it’s still burning fiercely.

World’s Most Dangerous Road – Bolivia.

deadly road

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The North Yungas Road runs for 60 kms between La Paz and Coroica in Bolivia and with around 200 – 300 deaths each year it rightly warrants it’s local name, The Road of Death.

In the wet season from November to March, water running from the hills turns the narrow road into a muddy track, such that traffic which normally drives on right in Bolivia is directed to drive on the left because the visibility is better.

With more than 25,00 visitors attracted by it’s inherent danger, it  is now promoted as a popular tourist attraction.

The road has been featured in several BBC television programmes including the popular Top Gear in which the controversial Jeremy Clarkson had a heart stopping moment as the road beneath him started to crumble. Fortunately for the programme makers he survived the scare and continues to cause chaos and controversy wherever he goes.

Holly 1This article is based on an original idea by Holly Riley, an up-and-coming young writer from the UK currently working with the ESTA Visa Assistance Service https://www.estavisaonline.org/
Her hobbies include travelling, trekking and cooking. 

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How Many Stars Would You Give This Hotel?

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trip-advisor

Here is a review in TripAdvisor by one of my friends who went to the Elias Beach Hotel, Limassol, Cyprus, in August.

Hotel Elias Beach Limassol Cyprus

Unbelievably (to me anyway) he gave it 4 Stars.
Based on his review, how many stars would you give it?

The Elias Beach Hotel is an excellent hotel, but, if you’re planning a trip there, then there are many things you should be aware of.

Firstly, if it’s a quiet get-away-from-it-all hotel you’re looking for, then this is not the place for you.
In the time we spent there (11 nights), there were 6 different wedding parties staying there. Large groups means lots of people having a good time; no problem, except that they often have little consideration for those around them, especially as they tend to have their hen night/stag party there as well !!
Their after-wedding party not only closes the greek-style restaurant for other guests, but the noise goes on well into the early hours.

For all-inclusive guests, the food is excellent. If you can’t find something that suits you here at breakfast, lunch or dinner, then you won’t find it anywhere. The staff who wait at the tables are as good as I’ve seen in any hotel.
However, don’t be fooled by the promise of ” a choice of 4 restaurants”. Flavours and Amadeus are actually the same place, with just a different seating area, and as the dress-code was totally ignored by everyone, it meant that there was no difference between the two.

The Japanese is good, but you’re only allowed to go there once, and it is isn’t open every night. As I said earlier, if there’s a wedding on, you can’t use the other restaurant either. The bar is great, the waiters attentive, and the area cool and relaxing.
I was horrified to discover that their red wine was the same temperature as their white wine (ice cold), but the staff did everything they could to rectify this.

The rooms are clean and comfortable, but we paid for an upgrade to a Junior suite. As someone else said, this was a long way from my definition of “suite”, in that a Junior suite here is, in fact, just a bigger room with a settee that could be turned into a 3rd bed.
The free Wi-Fi is abysmal. I’m glad I didn’t actually have to rely on it. They need to seriously upgrade their system.

There are pretty much enough sun-loungers to go round, but there is a 7 a.m. frenzy to get the best spots. Some people reserve 10 beds, and then use 2 of them for half an hour a day. I can’t blame the hotel for this, but it doesn’t make for a relaxing holiday. 

Whilst we were there, the hotel guests were probably 50% Russian. As someone else commented, not your average, decent Russian folk, but more the nouveau-riche arrogant Russians who think they own the place. They have no manners, treat the staff like dirt, and sit around smoking their foul Russian cigarettes at every opportunity.

There are lots of comments about the “Entertainment” that goes on. Pool zumba dancing at full-volume, catch the tennis ball in the tennis ball tube, darts, and bingo, are, however, more Butlins than I was expecting. The evening entertainment reminded me of the bad bits from “Britain’s Got Talent”.
In short, if you have small children, are in a large group, or wished you’d been an extra in Hi-De-Hi, then this is the place for you.
If you want to be able to fully relax, then you might want to think again.

In fairness more than 700 people have rated it with the majority rating it Excellent or Very Good on TripAdvisor, so It seems my friend just picked the wrong time to go.

Based on his review, how many stars would you give it?

Cliff Chapman
www.traveljunkies.com

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